Happy Can Be Real

At this point in my life I find it difficult to admit genuine happiness.  Contentment, peace, and satisfaction, thus gratitude, yes!  Happy?   No, unfortunately, no. 

Could it be due to a lifetime of paying attention, critiquing, thinking ahead, and seeking solutions to problems?  Even though I’ve retired, those habits have not. 

Now to blend real world experiences with emotions fed to my senses through programed media is my dilemma. 

There’s the noisy, giddy, silly frivolity, increasingly a pretense for humor on television.   Really no fun there.

I can’t ignore the ‘shock and awe’ of disrespect, mayhem and graphic violence in dramatic storylines, or even the evening news all day long, crammed with injustice that jerks my sensibilities toward, “what can I do”. 

An inability to escape serious thinking, well, it makes me crazy.

Then today I had a moment I don’t want to forget.   

It was cold outside.  Morning was done.  I was inside with a second mug of hot coffee.  Even better, I had no reason to be out in the chill.  Yes, I was physically and emotionally comfortable in a warm cozy space – focused on me, at work, bringing closure to necessaries on my to do list.   Other anxieties had disappeared.  

The early afternoon sun beamed into the room making bright colors more colorful; white and dark finishes rich accents, and shadowed corners softly secluded niches.

Then a never-before-seen episode of “Bones” came on TV. 

Wonderful!                               

I was happy.